Tuesday, May 17, 2005

the best history book i ever read. ever

well i finished reading what may very well be the best serious history book ever. i call it (as does the author of the book) King Leopold's Ghost it is about the Belgian king's rule over the Congo colony near the last turn of the century. thing is its written very much like a novel. the book itself even looks like a novel. the author does an excellent job setting up the situations and finding small important details. he also relates it back to Apocalypse Now and that's always a plus. i actually finished reading the book several weeks ago but i had to write a history essay about it and i wanted to wait until after i turned my essay in to pass judgment. writing an essay on a book usually causes me to end up hating that book and organizing public burnings and such so i wanted to make sure that i still liked it even after writing and turning in my essay. well i have only burnt down buildings (unrelated to the book) and no effigies of the author has been made so it is looking good that i liked it.

Monday, May 16, 2005

HAHA Victory!

at last, i have retaken this page. all posts are now by me. no matter that most, if not all are totally irrelevant and pointless and lacking in a point and have no relevant direction. irregardless (btw i know thats not a real word, i just like upsetting the people who do know it is not a real word) i still have captured the page. complain if you want, it want change that fact that i own the entire front page as of this moment and i have filled it with stupid, foolish, inappropriate, and un-entertaining junk. so there.

One or two other dumb computer stories

  • Tech Support: "Now press the spacebar."
  • Customer: "Return bar?"
  • Tech Support: "No, space bar. Space."
  • Customer: "I have an enter bar, return bar, and a shift key?"
  • Tech Support: "No, space. Space bar. The long horizontal key."
  • Customer: [confused sounds]
  • Tech Support: "Ok, see your c, v, b, n, and m keys?"
  • Customer: "Yes...."
  • Tech Support: "Right under them."
  • Customer: "Oh."
One user noted that MAC keyboards are typically relatively small, but that IBM keyboards are "big" things with "keys all around the top and down the sides" and so forth. He figured that this might be one of the reasons why IBMs and MACs "don't like to talk to each other."

  • Tech Support: "Use the right arrow key to move to the next field on the screen."
  • Customer: "You mean the 'Backspace' key?"
  • Tech Support: "No, ma'am, the right arrow key."
  • Customer: "You mean the 'Enter' key?"
  • Tech Support: "No, ma'am, the right arrow key."
  • Customer: "I don't have a right arrow key."
  • Tech Support: (head in hands) "Point to the space bar on the keyboard."
  • Customer: "Ok."
  • Tech Support: "Now, move you finger to the right."
  • Customer: "Ok."
  • Tech Support: "Did you find the left arrow key?"
  • Customer: "Yes."
  • Tech Support: "The right arrow key is two more keys to the right."
  • Customer: "Oh, ok."

An man purchased a laptop from me. He called about a week later and said that it would no longer boot up. He brought it in, and I discovered that sixteen nicely drilled holes were in the bottom of the case. I asked him about it, and he said the machine was too hot sitting on his lap, so he had drilled these "air holes."

"Could that be the problem?" he asked.

A friend of mine (who shall remain nameless) bought a brand new Toshiba laptop computer last year since his "old" one was a model from the year before. He worked in the computer services office on campus here at our university. He decided one night that to impress his co-workers he would make his new laptop more decorative. He bought a can of emerald green Krylon spray paint and sprayed his entire computer (screen, mouse, keyboard, casing, and all) with it. He was shocked to find that his computer wouldn't work afterwards and decided the paint must be at fault. So the next day he bought a can of Goo Gone and a bottle of paint thinner and poured them both on his computer, then rinsed it off in the sink.

Again, he was shocked when his computer wouldn't work. He was even more shocked when Circuit City told him they wouldn't refund his money or exchange his computer for a new one.

Computer Tech Support in Canada

from a great site full of dumb computer problems

Back in the good old pre-PC days we sold a system that required the user to hit Ctrl-A in order to sign on. We sold one to some outfit in Canada. Well, trying to get them going over the phone took an hour. We'd say, "Hit Ctrl-A," and they'd say, "Ok, we hit Ctrl, eh? And nothing happened, eh?"

here is the site: http://rinkworks.com/stupid/

Thursday, May 12, 2005

OH man i guess the season is going to be delayed a lot longer

You know I am not a big fan of the entertainment news. its not that I dont like the news of the people, its just I can never get used the feeling of my brain being covered in salt and then snail being put on my now salty brain causing the snail to melt and run out my ears (please dont commit me, I am totally sane, just ask the magical lepricon who tells me to burn things, he thinks i'm fine. your just jealous that the voices only talk to me!). that is a very weird feeling and that is why I try and avoid the entertainment news.

so this morning I am passing a few minutes before I have to leave for class by watching CNN. Nothing too interesting. Then the graphic for the entertainment news segment comes on and I reach for the TiVo remote. However, before I can change the channel I heard the name Dave Chappelle, break out star of Chappelle's Show. Now I dont know if you know this or not, but Chappelle's Show is to us kids what Roots was in the 70's. It was the only show that was must see, the only time I have experienced the phenomena of "oh man did you see Chappelle's Show last night! that stuff was hysterical."

Well the third season was supposed to start a little bit ago but had been delayed twice. However just a week ago nobody knew for sure where exactly Dave Chappelle was and it is very hard to do the Chappelle's Show without Dave Chappelle so production had to stop.

So anyway, when i heard the name Dave Chappelle I was hoping that they knew where he was and the show would be back o track. not so much. this was the news repot.

"Dave Chappelle, it is being reported by Entertainment Weekly, has checked himself into a South African mental health center."

now are there any words in that really stand out to you? here are some that stood out to me:

SOUTH AFRICAN MENTAL HEALTH CENTER

his aides said that he was worried about all the pressure of surpassing his first two seasons. now I can understand that. He is the guy who gave the world "i'm Rich James" and "YEA...OK" oh that was a great episode.

just come back Dave we need must see TV again.

Monday, May 09, 2005

5 just to make it even

you know, just to make it an even 5...la la la type type type blah blah blah. hey, you know this acually turned out to be a superior post for me. exelent.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

I need to pace myself more

geeze look at that i posted like 3 posts in one night. that is just way too much in too short a time span. so this post would make 4, far exeeding the quota. ridiculous. totally irresponsible, someone should really take responsibility for this. (not me, i did it)

When did everyone become a psyche major?

Recently I put a sign up on my door. Nothing special or noteworthy, just a piece of binder paper with some pen marks forming letters that form words that link up to make sentences. The main reason that I put it up was for my new roommate, I thought it would be helpful to have my name on the door since I took my star down. But I didn’t want to just write up a “my name is: the lamest person in the world” instead I just wanted to put up something unoriginal and generic, yet safe and non-threatening. Again it really wasn’t much. In fact I will quite the whole sign, bullet points and all.

“To all those who seem to be trying to sell me something, this may help you out:

  • My name is Andrew Pellow
  • I am easily distracted by shiny things”

That’s it, no more, nothing else there, the end. I found it to adequately mask the fact that I was saying “hello my name is:…” No less than two days after I put the thing up the RA knocked on my door. That is unusual because she never enters this domain. In fact there are more fingers on my fourth hand than times I have seen her in the building. No that that’s a bad thing. In some ways that is a very very good thing. But I digress. She asked me, what about this sign, do I want to talk about it, is something the matter, are people coming by and trying to sell you things, how are you doing, are you sure everything is alright, well then why did you put the sign up, (in a rather harsh and accusing voice like it is something terrible) are you trying to be funny? Again my intensions were not to be funny but to remind my roommate of my name. so I said not exactly to that, which she responded with a well articulated Huh? And I figured it would be easier to just give her the old “yea I guess…” response and move on.

Now I am no psyche major and one semester of psychology in high school hardly qualifies me to examine a mouse turd (which there seems to be more and more of lately) mush less something someone took the time to write down on paper; but I didn’t/don’t see anything real significant in that sign. Nothing that really needs examination. Although if that were true a lot of psychiatrists would be out of the job.

So I passed of the rare encounter with the RA as just strange new surroundings induced overreaction(ed) questions. Then, it was strange, my hall mates started asking the same questions. What is the significance and such and such. Strange. Then the PR guy came to ask about it too. Now we have never held any hall meetings so I don’t think this was a big conspiracy, just everyone wants to use me for their psyche paper. Which I don’t mind just if those lousy bums get paid to take pills and get electro-shock then why shouldn’t I get paid for my participation in pseudo-medical experiments?

Well my roommate shows up and he is a frat guy, business major like me. Its all good for a while. He is definitely no psyche major and the questioning of the sign has died down. Well it takes my roommate a week but he finally asks, “hey what’s with that sign on the door? You really like shiny things er what? are you just trying to be funny or something? And who was trying to sell you things? Do you have a problem with shiny things? Do you want to talk about it?” AAARGGG!!!

Wow such a loong time

Man that was a long time between posts. I mean not that huge August to November strech but still. Shhh...quiet its silent time. Then again I guess there has not been too much to say lately. Even the magical lepricon who tells me to burn things hasn’t submitted anything. and usually he cant shut up. But them again he has been really different lately...since the marshmallow incident. So much sugar rashes.

The funniest show opening EVER

I am sorry that I am doing another “funniest…EVER’ thing again but Holy Cr*p I just saw the best and funniest show opening EVER. It was Family Guy, of course where else would it come from, and it was a parody of law and order. Oh my god it was so perfect. It starts off with “family guy” in the classic lettering of the opening to Law & Order. The same voice over is describing the “Two equally important types of sitcoms…” Oh and they had the music and the New York City skyline and the photos of the cast with red and blue color filters. They even had them walking down the hallway together like in Law & Order. And on top of that Family Guy was very funny. A perfect opening to an excellent show. I am so happy that its back.