I was watching a major cable network tonight (I know what your you thinking, “what! Andrew watching TV? Well that just doesn’t add up I mean that is totally out of character for him. What has college done to that boy?” Well no need to worry I was just watching because everyone else was and you should always give in to peer pressure. Anyway, that was a long aside) and there were two commercials in a row that intrigued me. The first had different scenes of landscapes and people with four different captions. “Go Wild. Go Natural. Go Play. Go North.” then we are asked to call for more information on visiting northern Arizona. Because when you think of going wild way up north you think of northern Arizona. Or at least I do, does that make me a bad person? One of the things that intrigued me is that it seems that the famed Arizona tourism board has finally given up on that crap-hole known as southern Arizona. Apparently southern and northern Arizona are so different that they need their own separate commercials. I never knew that. I also did not know that the term “northern Arizona” could be trademarked. That’s right, above the A at the end of Arizona there is a little ™ symbol. I guess that I should send some money to the Arizona tourism board, but I like to live dangerously. The next commercial was trying to get me to visit Canada, and I might have considered it if the commercial had not been full of fallacies and if it had not been for Canada. First off it showed a bunch of people having fun. As we all know, Canadians do not have fun. And when in Rome you must do as the Romans, so by law you will not have fun either. Then there was a scene in what must have been the Florida of Canada because there was only an inch of snow on the ground. On top of this inch of snow, however there was someone dancing up and down and celebrating while wearing what appeared to be cross country skies. With all that grass, dirt and rocks sticking up trough the snow it might have been difficult to ski, and dancing on top of it all would very likely damage the skies. Putting all this aside, however there was still a Canadian dancing on top of very little snow. As we all know Canadian’s emotions are deeply connected to the amount of snow on the ground, which is why they keep living in Canada. The more snow there is the better the Canadians feel, I mean as good as a Canadian can feel anyway. Its sorta like finding pleasure in pain. Finally the commercial ends with a Canadian who can fly and there are a bunch of white balloons around him. Obviously all Canadians can fly but they would never be anywhere near a rubber balloon as all Canadians are allergic to rubber. That is why Canadians never have parties; they would all break out in hives. It’s just ridiculous to think that a Canadian would be flying around a room surrounded by balloons. Now there is something for the FCC to investigate. Come on FCC you are supposed to protect the public from false advertising! Damn canuks.
