A Proposal of the next season of 24

Now this post will seem like absolutely nothing compared to the ones that will some after it but none the less nothing has been posted for a while (besides song lyrics) and in accordance with interstellar law here is a new post.

A few weeks ago I took a journey from the crater in Riverside to the easiest weatherman job in the world, San Diego. One of the reasons for the journey was that there was a little known program on that weekend involving a small niche sport called the Super Bowl. While my 13 inch tv is pretty freakin sweet I had heard by a nice man from the internet that the experience might be slightly better on a 46 inch high definition plasma tv with 5.1 surround sound. I don’t know, it didn’t sound right at the time but I thought I would give it a shot.

The night before the Super Bowl we decide to get in tv watching mood for the eight hour event that is Super Bowl Sunday by watching the hilarious comedy hit of last year, Crash (and by hilarious comedy I of course mean intense serious drama.) Well TV truns on. Everything is fine. The dvd starts up. Everything is. The movie begins playing. Everything is fine. Don Cheadle begins saying the the very fisrt line in the movie. Everything is fine. Don Cheadle
gets half way though the very fist line in the movie. POP! Everything is not fine.

There is a light pop and now the screen has gone blank, completely black, and the Super Bowl starts in less than twenty hours. sinneD gets up, remains remarkably calm and attempts to power cycle the tv and the dvd player. The tv turns on, pops again and goes off completely, not even the little standby, TV-is-off-but-power-is-present light is on. Still in denial, a hypothesis is presented that maybe the TV is overheated, although it really has not been on for that long. So we wait an excruciatingly long ten minutes to let it cool down. Pop. Off.

Still in denial over the ultimate truth a new hypothesis is presented based on what exists inside of a tv might possibly go pop and would be easily fixed with minimal damage done to the appliance. That’s right; the good old reliable burst fuse theory was brought out. So neD and I take the tv off the wall and onto a stand. neD then proceeds to remove the entire back of the 46 inch high definition plasma tv. Once it was off however, we were home free. All we needed were a few masters of electrical engineering degrees between us and several thousand dollars worth of testing equipment and a full schematic of the television. Well as it turns out we actually had none of those things. We did however find one fuse. It unfortunately turned out to be a perfectly health fuse thereby destroying another theory.

The 46 inch high definition television has unequivocally died on us the night before the biggest television event of the year. Even more terrible than that it chose to go popping during the worse time of the year to go get a new big screen tv, seeing as how everybody goes out and buys a new one in order to watch the game.

Panic mode set in around the house as the implications of what just happened began to dawn on everybody. We may have to watch the tv on only a 36 inch CRT stander definition ANALOG tv, or worse yet an older generation 19 inch CRT standard definition analog tv. So as you can tell there was much reason for panic mode. Fortunately the crucial detail that the popped tv was purchased two years ago at Costco for four thousand dollars and the receipt still existed. This was excellent news because I had heard a rumor some time ago that Costco had a fantastic return policy. However it had been two freaken years since the tv was purchased I have had many an altercation trying to return something at Fry’s that had been purchased the previous day.

I proceeded to search online for the limitations to Costco’s return policy. Then proceeded to search for the hidden limitations to the return policy. Then I tried to find a copy of the return policy that was longer than two sentences. I failed in all attempts. Basically the only official statement I could find about Costco’s return policy is that anything (other than computer desktops or laptops), anytime, even without a receipt can be returned. But that was the “official” policy. It seemed certain that once we were in the store, large arguments would start up, babies would cry, and things would be throw. Despite this unavoidable fate we decided to try to return the tv and get some money back for it, or at least some kind of store credit or something. We were sure that we would not be getting another tv because they would obviously all be gone already in preparation for the big game. In fact we knew that if we even asked if we could get a new big screen flat panel high definition tv we would be laughed out of the store and have our pictures posted on the great board of stupid people. No one wanted to even fathom what may happen if we walked into the store carrying a two year old broken tv, demeaning a refund and a new big screen tv.

Putting off tomorrow’s dealings for tomorrow neD and I moved the tv into the back of the van and strapped it down in back. Then, to really ensure that that the tv and van were not going anywhere I backed my car behind the van to keep it barricaded in the driveway and we all went to bed to rest up for the battles ahead. The next day was slightly complicated as a result of a volleyball tournament and a sleepover. naneeK had a volleyball tournament that day and it could go on for a very long time and sinneD needed to take him to that. yendiS had been at a sleepover at a friend’s house and was not due back until the late morning or early afternoon. That left me, geP and lebasI to move the heavy, large, and especially fragile tv into Costco and, if the planets align right and our chakras are in the right order, move another heavy large and especially fragile tv out of Costco, up into the van, and into the house. Now yzzI is a very cute baby, there is no denying that, however I have only seen her manage to dead life eighty pounds and that is a bit below the weight of the tv so I seriously doubt she would be able to move the stuff for us. So the let youngin-do-it plan was not an option this time. At least at Costco there were plenty of other people to help move any tv if we needed the help. Moving the tv into the house may prove more challenging and seemed like it would be a much tougher decision to make. We could either try and move the tv in and set it up ourselves, or wait until nairB came over to watch the game and he could help us move the tv and set it up.

However we were getting way far ahead of ourselves. geP and I were still convinced that that this was not going to be as fantastic as Costco makes it seem. We spent much of the time going over battle plans and different scenarios of what can happen. The most likely scenario was that yzzI would sleep peacefully in the car until we got to Costco. Then she would wake up and start crying as soon as the car stopped. We would be waiting in line at Costco with an upset crying baby while everyone laughs at the two idiots standing in the huge return line attempting to return a big screen tv on super bowl Sunday. We would finally make it to a return representative who would then preceed to alugh at the two idiots trying to return a two year old tv on super bowl Sunday. Then either they say it is against the return policy to take it back which we would have to argue about, or they would just plane refuse to take it back which would lead to a lot of yelling about membership length and threats of cancellation, Both options would of course make yzzI upset and louder and more passionate. Then we would retreat in defeat to watch the game on a nineteen year old fuzzy tv.

Things started off just about following our most likely scenario as seen above. AS we unloaded the tv onto a flatbed cart a some damn kids commented on how nice a tv that was. Gep said thanks but the damn thing doesn’t work. Well they went ahead and asked her how much. Four thousand dollars she replied. They raised some eyebrows and kept on walking. Then as I pushed the tv over to wait in the return line three or four people, including the woman in front of me in the return line repeatable asked me if I was there to return that tv, a bewildered and confused look on their faces. I knew what they were thinking, “why the hell would he be returning such a large and high definition plasma tv on the day of the Super Bowl, I mean doesn’t he realize that the Super Bowl is today? I should report him to the government for suspicious behavior. They need to know about him.” I tired my best to suppress the smart-alike side that wanted to tell them all that of course I wasn’t there to return a tv, I just like to take it outside and show the it off to people, really flaunt it in their face; especially people waiting in line at the RETURN LINE at Costco. But i didn’t and just responded with a yea, it’s not working right now answer.

Things turned out oddly different from what we had expected, however. yzzI was cool and quiet, people stopped asking questions after geP got there, and the line moved fairly quick. When we got to the front geP showed the receipt and they called over their electronics head guy to come over. This is where two things happened, one an excellent life lesson that I will take with me always, and anther a faith in humanity restoring event. First, as I would find out later, the returns cashier told geP that it was a good thing she kept the receipt because the downside to not bringing your receipt is that your return will be for the current selling price of the merchandise, not what you paid for it at the time. Very soon after being called over the head electronics guy, Jason I believe his name was, came over and just took a look at the tv to make sure it was the same one as mentioned on the receipt and all the parts and accessories are there with it. then he just slapped a sticker on it and said its good to go. No third degree, no grilling questions, no explanation necessary, nothing but a quick sticker and an ok. Then the returns cashier immediately and unquestioningly, as if it were part of the normal routine, asked gep if she wanted the return on the Amex. In fact it all happened so fast that geP was caught walking half way over prepared to answer a multitude of questions and an intense third degree. It took all of us by surprise how quick and easy and painless everything was.

Once the credit was on the card Jason immediately began talking to us about replacement tvs and the different sizes and models that they had in stock. He even told us the pros and cons between every manufacturer, and went so far as to warn us never to buy a vivio set again because, to paraphrase Jason, they suck. Slightly stunned to hear that there were still large screened tvs in stock right in the store we had to check that out. Jason spoke the truth because there before us sat two rows of flat panel tvs. He told us that if we make a decision on a tv he will be right in the area to help us out.

Once the shock had worn off we knew that we could not get a smaller tv that what we had just returned. That would be downgrading. Nobody buys a new tv that is smaller than their old one, I mean how does that makes sense. Unfortunately (well actually very fortunately) Costco did not carry any tvs that were the same size, so we were forced to go for a 50 inch tv. Life is tough. That narrowed the choice down to basically 2 models. Same size color design and specs. A few different features between the two but nothing very major that put one tv way over the other. That’s where Jason comes in. Well not at first. You see it was Super Bowl Sunday after all and there were quite a few people looking at tvs that day or Jason was busy answering a few questions. I patiently waited for him to finish up with some people to ask for his opinion between the two tvs. While he was talking to them he got a call that his assistance was needed else ware. After finishing up with the customers he was dealing with I tried to ask he his opinion before he left, fearing that this would be the last I would ever seen of him (like many a trip to fry’s). Well he promised to be right back but he had to respond to the call he got. Amazingly just a few minutes later, and considering how big a Costco warehouse is that is pretty quick, Jason return. At the time I was leaning toward the Philips just because it had a couple minor features that might give it a leg up over the Panasonic on the other side of the isle. However when Jason got back he explained that the Panasonic was the best tv they had, gave the best picture and that customers have given feedback that it is a great tv in general. The Philips on the other had Costco was returning to vender so it must not have been a very good tv or at least had some problems goings on.

Just moments later we were standing in line, victorious, having done all that we had gone out to accomplish in our wildest imaginations. And that’s not even the best part. The old 46 inch vivio tv that we had just returned had a great picture, very good definition, but I failed to mention that it was not true high definition. It was an enhanced definition. It still looked amazing but not 100% amazing. Now we had a high definition tv at was also bigger than the previous tv by four whole inches. Add to that the fact the flat panel tv prices have dropped significantly over the past few years and you find out that we got a bigger, better looking tv from a major name brand that is five hundred dollars cheaper than the old one. Costco basically paid us five hundred dollars to take a superior tv off their hands. Spectacular, three cheers fro Costco.

Unfortunately the box for the tv was so big that we had to lay it down on its front and tie down the back of the van to bring it home. It is not a very good idea to lay a plasma tv face down for any extended period of time so that basically solved the debate about weather or not to take the tv out of the car when we got back. Once it was out of the van there was no problem sliding the box into the house and then moving it onto a stand to watch the super bowl in true high definition. And let me tell you it looked incredible. It was difficult to take your eyes away for a moment it looked to go, and straight out of the box to, no real configuration necessary. It looked so good you didn’t want to blink. Just stare. I swear you could count the hairs left on Brian Gumble’s head and tell what kind of thread they used to stick together Boomer’s jacket. That was a major swing; everyone went from extreme disappointment and panic to utopian bliss in just under twenty hours. Thank you Costco, thank you so very very much.

And now onto other more much better written sorties about much more significant things.

Ummmm... that was kinda inappropriate

maybe some kind of warning next time